These Past 10.55 Miles

To anyone who gets annoyed by running stories/analogies:

STOP READING THIS POST!

I want you all to read my blog, but if you get annoyed by people talking about running, then I'd stop reading right now. I want to clarify: I'm not boasting, I am likening my life lately to a 10.55 mile run I recently went on.

So, exactly 2 months ago today I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. When I am confronted by those feelings, I tend to have an all-encompassing feeling that I need to literally run away. So I do! On this particular day I decided to run to my favorite place, the Livestock Center, which is 5.25 miles outside of town. Not only did I decide to run out there, but I decided to run there and back. I spent the next hour prepping (drinking a bunch of water) and then I was off. 

The first two miles of a long run are always very brutal for me. Those miles make me wonder how I could possibly go any further. They usually consist of huffing and puffing and wondering, "Why did I decide to do this to myself?" They are my get-into-the-groove-for-the-rest-of-the-run miles. At the end of those first two miles I had reached the outskirts of town. For the next 3.25 miles to the Livestock Center, I'd be running on the soft shoulder of the road.

The next 3.25 miles were quite pleasant. I was in my groove and enjoying my time out in the crisp country air. The sky was overcast and beautiful, the smells were fresh, the sounds were pleasant. All that is nice, but it wasn't all honky dory. There were certainly little "road blocks" (pun intended). For example, at about mile 3, I was running along, minding my own business, when a ferocious cattle dog ran up and chased my to the edge of his property. It was terrifying and got my heart rate up higher than the running was. At mile 3.7 I was looking up at some hawks floating lazily on the breeze when I started smelling a skunk (which I ignored because after all, "I'm in the country, of course there are skunks out here"). That was a bad decision on my part as, next thing I know, I felt a squish under my foot. I ran over what was once a skunk. At mile 4 I learned the meaning of a country mile. The Livestock Center was in sight, and it felt like years until I got there.

When I got to the Livestock Center (mile 5.25), I started crying. Yeah, I'm a wimp, but I had convinced myself that it was going to be too hard to get there, so when I made it I was ecstatic. I didn't stop though, that was only the half way point, so I turned around and kept running. I cried for a whole mile (I know, what a sight [it really didn't help my steady breathing either]). 

At mile 6.75 I really started feeling the fatigue. The run was feeling hard. I wanted to stop but wasn't sure if I'd be able to start again. It wasn't all bad though. There were plenty of little "power ups." I'm not a gamer, like at all, but I did play some Mario Bros on my Game Boy Advance SP when I was younger. You know the little mushrooms Mario or Luigi would eat and they would make them bigger and stronger for a little bit? That's what I felt like I was coming across. For example, at mile 7 I was running along and I ran by a pasture with a Chesnut horse and a Blue Roan horse in it. As I approached that pasture, they both ran to the fence and ran right with me while I passed the property. At mile 7.75 the road was wet (a rain storm had passed by while I was running) and I was hot. As cars and trucks passed by me, the water sputtering from under their tires would kick up and mist me.

By mile 8.5 I had gotten back into town. I was tired, hungry, thirsty, and ready to be home. At the same time, there was a renewed vigor knowing this was the home stretch. Two miles would be a cinch, right? To my surprise, this was the very hardest part of the run. At every cross walk and stop light, I just wanted to stop running, walk to the next light, call my roommate to pick me up, etc. But this was the time the run was also riding on? Why quit in the home stretch? Turns out, the final two miles were the most rewarding! This stretch came with the most "road blocks" and "power ups." 

When I got home, I cried (again) about my accomplishment. It was the farthest I'd ever run. I was excited. More than that, my head was clear, my heart was happy, I could breath deeper and easier, my confidence had increased, and I had proven to myself that I was capable of something hard.

Now I told you this applied to life.These past 10.55 miles of my life have seemed to be patterned after this run. I've had road blocks in my learning, my relationships, and my attitude. I've had power ups in my family, my friends, my testimony, and my perspective. I've learned that I can do hard things. Because of this run these past semesters, I am better equipped for other hard things to come, but I'm also prepared for the good things that are upcoming in my life! Life is good, people are strong, the gospel gives us hope and redemption. I know this church is true. I know Heavenly Father helps us through every mile we run. I know for every angry farm dog and encounter with roadkill we are blessed with horses and passing cars. Life is meant to be enjoyed not just endured and Heavenly Father is always here to lead and guide us in our endeavors. I know I am on the right track and I can't wait to share my upcoming adventures with all of my loved ones!! 

Keep on truckin' and don't forget what really matters: faith, family, freedom, and friendship.

And to prove you can do anything, here's my man Jon Bon Jovi to remind you.

Keep It Simple Stupid

I've been thinking a lot lately about all the things I need to get done, the pressures of life and growing up, the responsibilities of living away from home, etc. I believe I tend to put too much pressure for perfection on myself.

My Daddy has told me (more times than I can count) about a moto he learned on his mission from one of his companions:

Keep It Simple, Stupid

or

KISS.

This little phrase has grounded me more times than I can count. And so, I decided to do just that in this post. Here are some of my greatest, simple joys.

First, foremost, and forever my family provides me with great joy and happiness in this life.

Cows, or more specifically, my major is a simple joy that gives me great satisfaction. It is something I am very passionate about.

Music is something I'm passionate about. When it comes to Country Music, I swoon. I can listen for hours without getting bored. You better believe it's a simple joy.

I love the country. I love the wide open spaces, green fields, and breathtaking sunsets.

I love dancing. It is a simple joy to me to be able to let all my wiggles out and really lose myself in the fun of a great dance!

I love this gospel. Through the Savior I can improve myself. The gospel has given me a good quality of life. The Church of Jesus Christ is life changing. It has given me the opportunity to know my Savior. I know it to be true.

Life is too short to be stressed or over worked all the time. Life is full of simple pleasures and opportunities to be happy. When it seems too much to handle, I will always remember to Keep It Simple, Stupid. 

Have You Heard About Perfectionism?

So, recently I read this article. As I read along, I realized that Rebecca made some very very valid points. I started realizing something.

I'm kind of a perfectionist.

Now, I've never professed to be better than anyone else, but I have held myself to a standard of perfection. Let me explain:

I don't for one minute believe I am perfect or can be perfect. However, I have always believed that nothing I do is good enough unless it is, more or less, perfect. In school I wanted perfect grades, perfect scores, perfect assignments, perfect opinions. I wanted to be my best self physically, emotionally, and mentally. Now in some ways, these are not such bad things, but the level I took them was too far! 

I was so focused on being my best self that I didn't focus on anything else. I didn't put a whole lot of focus on friendships or other relationships. I spent a lot of time studying, exercising, practicing, etc. Whenever it seemed a friendship went south, I would tell myself, "That's okay, this just gives you more time to focus on school and family."

Now let me tell you what this has led to.

Last semester I got in a rodeo accident. As a result of this accident, I lost 2 weeks of my memory (which has never come back) and missed a week of school .You did that math right, 3 WEEKS of academic knowledge lost. I was devastated and began frantically playing catch-up. Unfortunately, I was soon faced with the decision to stay in school and fail a class or two (resulting in the loss of a scholarship I had worked all through school to earn) or medically defer the semester and keep it all. In my mind that translated to dropping out of school which then translated to failure. I felt my hands were tied and I'd just have to defer, so I did. 

Now, here's where things get interesting. Maybe that's the wrong word to use. Here's where things get rough. In the following weeks I swear I slid into a depression. Never had I felt so low or like such a screw-up. I felt that all I had worked for had been flushed down the toilet. I felt alone, angry, discouraged, and forgotten. My appetite seemed to disappear, I wasn't sleeping, things were bad. All I felt was ashamed, like I'd let everyone down. 

Now, here's the thing. I had put SO much stock into the perfect grades, the perfect school record, the perfect experience that I had cheated myself of the feeling of failure.

Let me tell you something I've learned about failure.

It makes the world go round. I want you to watch this video:

In my religion we are taught that we must taste of the bitter before we can taste the sweet. I have learned this! I felt bad, I felt that the situation sucked, but I needed to learn humility and a little failure so I could bounce back feeling happy and motivated. 

Over the break between semesters I went back to my hometown for the Holidays. The night before it was time for me to come back to school, I was talking to my mom about feeling intimidated. I told her, on the verge of tears, that I was afraid I'd fail again. I told her that I was gun-shy and afraid that I would mess everything up again like last semester. She got extremely stern, and told me I was never to say I failed.

At the time, I still felt that I had done just that, and no one could understand how I felt. 

I am here to say that I had to taste the bitter before I could taste the sweet. As this semester has begun, I have never felt so driven. Something has changed inside me. I am not trying to be perfect. I'm not trying to have it all, or be it all. Rather, I am doing the very best I can. So far, my classes have all gone smoothly. I've gained friendships that are going to last and I've gotten involved in programs that will allow me to share my talents and be apart of something great. 

Most importantly, I've learned to let myself go and give myself a break. When something doesn't go just so, I know it'll all be okay. I'm better prepared to deal with the "failures" as they come. I know that I can do anything! I don't have to be a perfectionist. I don't have to drive myself mad with stress over everything being just right. Life is to be enjoyed. Success comes to those with passion and drive, who take challenges as they come. Success does not come automatically to those who were always perfect at everything. If anything, I now am grateful for the experiences I had last semester because they've made me into a more humble, kind, patient person. I know that as I've overcome those feelings of loneliness and discouragement with the help of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I have become stronger. 

Life's not perfect. We will be given trials that will push us to the edge. Heck, they may push us over the edge. The most important thing is that we climb back out. 

My daddy shared a quote with me when I was younger and I've never forgotten it:

"Two Men in jail look out from the bars.

One sees mud, the other sees stars."

I used to think that rhyme was only about having a good attitude. Now I see that something got those men put in jail, but they now have the power to act and make the most of their situation. May we all allow ourselves to see the stars!!

Finally, I wanted to share a song that I have absolutely fallen in love with.

May you all keep sailing, no matter what life dishes out. And more than that may all you perfectionists out there allow yourself to enjoy! Take a step back and live a little before you wake up and realize that you've been too uptight to notice all you've missed. I'm speaking from experience here: perfect is highly overrated. I will never stop pushing myself to improve, but I have stopped beating myself up when things aren't absolutely perfect all the time. Be your best self, but don't lose yourself in the process.