It's been a long time blog world!! And it'll be even longer because I am going on an mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!! I will be gone for 18 months. I wanted to share my mission pictures with y'all and in my next post (which will be my last one for a while) I want to share with you why I've chosen to serve, why I want to spread the message, and what I hope to accomplish.
I feel like all my life has been since coming to school is change, change, and more change!!
As I've been preparing for the "next big thing" in my life as of late, and perhaps the biggest change yet, I've been feeling very reflective on my life, my goals, my hopes and dreams, and my purpose on this Earth.
I have made such outstanding friendships here at school and have realized so many dreams of mine! While I feel like I've gained so much, I've also been knocked down a ton. As I've been considering my next step, I have felt more unprepared than ever before!! Everything I thought I wanted somehow seems trivial and inapplicable. It's as if I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. Is this normal??
However, rather than rant about everything I'm unsure about, I want to tell you what I know.
I know that I have a loving Father in Heaven who always looks after me. He knows me better than anyone else. He knows every feeling of my heart. He knows my hopes and dreams. He knows what makes me tick. He knows what knocks me down.
I know that I have time. The future will come when it comes. What is happening now in my life is what's most important. I know I have to live more in the now. Que sera, sera. Life is to be enjoyed. So I don't have it all figured out right now, big deal! **Those of you who know me will know this is a big deal for me. I am the planner of all planners and always have to have it all together.** Life will work out. I am young. I have time to figure things out.
I know that I am held accountable for my choices and actions, but that ultimately my life is just that, mine. I am a huge people pleaser and that seems to cause more stress than good. Ultimately, what I do is up to me. I cannot please everyone.
I know that when I serve my fellow men I am serving my Father in Heaven. As I serve those around me I am happy and I know I am doing God's work. As big as my concerns are, they become minuscule when I take a step back and help others.
I know that everyone I meet is fighting their own hard battle. In fact, this is probably the number one thing I know. Everyone I meet has something that is hard for them, something that is testing them, something that is shaking their confidence. Everyone I know has weaknesses and insecurities. Everyone I know is affected by this life in their own way. I know that I can do better at being understanding.
In just a few short days I'm leaving this beautiful place that I've spent the last 8+ months calling home. I've developed myself here. I've made friendships and built relationships that have enriched my life in innumerable ways. I am beyond thrilled to be heading back home to the place I grew up, I'm thrilled to see my family and old friends, and I'm thrilled to carry on with the next chapter of my life. However, my heart aches for the closing of this chapter of my life. It has been hard, frustrating, rewarding, and extraordinary. As I've been reflecting on all I've learned I am in awe of how blessed I've been. I have fallen flat on my face more times than I can count, but I've jumped up, dusted off, and overcome adversity more times than that. I know that the future is bright and that God is mindful of me. I will always look fondly on my time here and am eager to see what the future holds. Life is beautiful and so full of grand adventures. I am beyond happy to be embarking on a new one. To this lovely little town of mine, I'll see you in two! To all my amazing friends here, "See you when I see you."
For those of you much older than me: remember being a college student and having no money. You work your can off at a minimum wage job and really don't have much cash to burn.
For those of you much younger than me: this is gonna be you one day.
First of all, I want to say a couple things.
~I am a penny pincher.
~I am very stingy.
~I am a debt-aphobe (and a word inventer apparently).
~I am careful with my money and am very grateful for my minimum wage job.
THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT MONEY!! I'm just illustrating the setting for y'all.
I have a motor scooter. Not a little put-put mind you. A big Daddy, awesome motor scooter. It is not working, and hasn't been functioning properly since March. I have tried repeatedly to contact the 1 mechanics shop in town and have come to find out that they are not equipped to handle my scooter. So...I walk everywhere. I walk 5 miles every day that I work (2.5 miles each way). I walk to the grocery store. I walk to my friend's apartments. I walk anywhere I need to go!
My walking time is my happy time. It's a few minutes to myself during this busy thing called life. I don't listen to music, but I do sometimes read. Mostly though, I observe the world around me.
I watch the cars go by, imagining all the exciting places the drivers must be going.
I think about the old couple that likely lives in the house with the perfect flower beds and wicker chairs on the front porch.
I think of the rowdy family that likely lives in the house with the lawn toys strewn on the lawn and the giant family picture I can see through the open window.
I imagine what new small town story the old man is reading in his news paper while he drinks his morning coffee on the porch steps.
I watch the rabbits hopping from yard to yard.
I listen to the birds chattering in the trees: the cackle of the Raven, the twittering or the Sparrows, the coo of the dove.
I watch the squirrels play a game of tag up a tree trunk.
But my favorite moments of all, are during the last leg of my walk after a long day of work. There's a park near my apartment (about a block away). By this time in the day, my feet are usually protesting (2.5 mile walk + 7-8 hours on my feet + the return 2.5 mile trip), but I can't help but enjoy the scenes that unfold in front of my eyes. I have to take mental pictures and just smile.
Tonight I saw:
A foot ball game.
A Frisbee game.
A new dad pushing his toddler on the swing while mom sat nearby.
A puppy play date (I'm not kidding, 3 puppies of various sizes romping around through the grass).
A newlywed couple playing catch with a baseball.
A game of Quidditch (it was awesome).
A marshmallow gun/silly string tournament.
A couple sitting across from eachother, playing slap jack and smiling ear to ear.
A group of teenagers playing cards at another table.
A couple guys slack lining.
Two teenage boys long boarding.
A group of very pregnant women walking together, talking about baby things (I watching women become moms).
A dapper gentlemen reading a vintage hardback on a park bench.
A group of joggers, dance-running to some awesome song.
A father teaching his son to throw a football to his mom.
And that was just tonight. People bring me joy. The quiet lives of every day folk make me smile. It's the simple things I tell yuh!! I love it. I love seeing happiness and simple pleasures. Life is beautiful. There is so much good in this world. We need only open our eyes and go walking.
Today I decided to take the 21 day video challenge. Every day, for 21 days, I will post a video to YouTube. Today I started with a Vlog!! Here's a link. Enjoy!!
To anyone who gets annoyed by running stories/analogies:
STOP READING THIS POST!
I want you all to read my blog, but if you get annoyed by people talking about running, then I'd stop reading right now. I want to clarify: I'm not boasting, I am likening my life lately to a 10.55 mile run I recently went on.
So, exactly 2 months ago today I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. When I am confronted by those feelings, I tend to have an all-encompassing feeling that I need to literally run away. So I do! On this particular day I decided to run to my favorite place, the Livestock Center, which is 5.25 miles outside of town. Not only did I decide to run out there, but I decided to run there and back. I spent the next hour prepping (drinking a bunch of water) and then I was off.
The first two miles of a long run are always very brutal for me. Those miles make me wonder how I could possibly go any further. They usually consist of huffing and puffing and wondering, "Why did I decide to do this to myself?" They are my get-into-the-groove-for-the-rest-of-the-run miles. At the end of those first two miles I had reached the outskirts of town. For the next 3.25 miles to the Livestock Center, I'd be running on the soft shoulder of the road.
The next 3.25 miles were quite pleasant. I was in my groove and enjoying my time out in the crisp country air. The sky was overcast and beautiful, the smells were fresh, the sounds were pleasant. All that is nice, but it wasn't all honky dory. There were certainly little "road blocks" (pun intended). For example, at about mile 3, I was running along, minding my own business, when a ferocious cattle dog ran up and chased my to the edge of his property. It was terrifying and got my heart rate up higher than the running was. At mile 3.7 I was looking up at some hawks floating lazily on the breeze when I started smelling a skunk (which I ignored because after all, "I'm in the country, of course there are skunks out here"). That was a bad decision on my part as, next thing I know, I felt a squish under my foot. I ran over what was once a skunk. At mile 4 I learned the meaning of a country mile. The Livestock Center was in sight, and it felt like years until I got there.
When I got to the Livestock Center (mile 5.25), I started crying. Yeah, I'm a wimp, but I had convinced myself that it was going to be too hard to get there, so when I made it I was ecstatic. I didn't stop though, that was only the half way point, so I turned around and kept running. I cried for a whole mile (I know, what a sight [it really didn't help my steady breathing either]).
At mile 6.75 I really started feeling the fatigue. The run was feeling hard. I wanted to stop but wasn't sure if I'd be able to start again. It wasn't all bad though. There were plenty of little "power ups." I'm not a gamer, like at all, but I did play some Mario Bros on my Game Boy Advance SP when I was younger. You know the little mushrooms Mario or Luigi would eat and they would make them bigger and stronger for a little bit? That's what I felt like I was coming across. For example, at mile 7 I was running along and I ran by a pasture with a Chesnut horse and a Blue Roan horse in it. As I approached that pasture, they both ran to the fence and ran right with me while I passed the property. At mile 7.75 the road was wet (a rain storm had passed by while I was running) and I was hot. As cars and trucks passed by me, the water sputtering from under their tires would kick up and mist me.
By mile 8.5 I had gotten back into town. I was tired, hungry, thirsty, and ready to be home. At the same time, there was a renewed vigor knowing this was the home stretch. Two miles would be a cinch, right? To my surprise, this was the very hardest part of the run. At every cross walk and stop light, I just wanted to stop running, walk to the next light, call my roommate to pick me up, etc. But this was the time the run was also riding on? Why quit in the home stretch? Turns out, the final two miles were the most rewarding! This stretch came with the most "road blocks" and "power ups."
When I got home, I cried (again) about my accomplishment. It was the farthest I'd ever run. I was excited. More than that, my head was clear, my heart was happy, I could breath deeper and easier, my confidence had increased, and I had proven to myself that I was capable of something hard.
Now I told you this applied to life.These past 10.55 miles of my life have seemed to be patterned after this run. I've had road blocks in my learning, my relationships, and my attitude. I've had power ups in my family, my friends, my testimony, and my perspective. I've learned that I can do hard things. Because of this run these past semesters, I am better equipped for other hard things to come, but I'm also prepared for the good things that are upcoming in my life! Life is good, people are strong, the gospel gives us hope and redemption. I know this church is true. I know Heavenly Father helps us through every mile we run. I know for every angry farm dog and encounter with roadkill we are blessed with horses and passing cars. Life is meant to be enjoyed not just endured and Heavenly Father is always here to lead and guide us in our endeavors. I know I am on the right track and I can't wait to share my upcoming adventures with all of my loved ones!!
Keep on truckin' and don't forget what really matters: faith, family, freedom, and friendship.
And to prove you can do anything, here's my man Jon Bon Jovi to remind you.
It's 3 AM. This is the second night in a row that I have sat up until the wee hours of the morning studying for finals. This afternoon I gave my mom a call and visited with her for a while. At one point she told me to enjoy. "I know 'Enjoy' and 'Study' probably don't belong in the same sentence, but you need to live this up! This is the life." I sat there on the couch, worn out, listening to her say these words and I thought Mom, you are absolutely right. 'Enjoy' and 'Study' DON'T belong in the same sentence. As I reflected on her words though, it reminded me of a song that I LOVE and coincidentally hear played in one of the main buildings on campus all the time!
The chorus states:
You're gonna miss this.
You're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times, so take a good look around.
You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this.
As I thought about those words and about my life thus far, I realized the wisdom in my Momma's words and I realized just how well she knows me! I started thinking about the past, reminiscing. I have been fortunate. I grew up in a home that was safe, secure, and full of love. My parents have always taught me the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They taught me how to be respectful and taught me about the consequences (good and bad) of my behavior and the way I treated people. Life was far from perfect, but it was dang good. I started thinking about school.
6th Grade Graduation
High School Graduation
School has always been my number one focus in life. I am a learner. It's one of my talents. Some people are brilliant visual artists, some people are exceptional singers, some people are outstanding athletes, some people are computer wizards. I am a learner. As a result, I don't know that I've ever been satisfied with my academics. No matter where I've been in school, I've always been looking ahead to what's to come, counting down the days to the next big thing. My Momma's reminder today, as well as the message of Mr. Adkins's song, keep me grounded. It's these gentle reminders that help me enjoy where I am when I'm there.
This is college. This is the hardest, most exhausting, discouraging, wonderful, exciting, fun, BEST thing I've ever done. Finals are next week. There is pressure to keep studying 24/7. There is pressure to maintain balance, remember the "me-time," but if I am to remember anything in this time, it is to enjoy. I'm up late, eating junk, learning about the things I am passionate about, and loving every minute.
In order to better remember my purpose, my drive, my passion, and my love of this time of my life, I give you:
My Semester in Review
Frosty, Sunday Morning, Walking to Church
I was a member of Service Activities this semester on campus!! I have had an incredible time getting to know so many amazing people.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Letter-Day Saints, you're encouraged to have Family Home Evening on Monday nights. In college, we are broken into "families" with apartments in the ward boundaries. My FHE group was outstanding and we had some pretty fun ward-wide activities as well this semester!
Redneck Olympics
FHE Fear Factor (Eating Crickets)
Country Line Dancing with the Fam
The Ward Family History/Indexing/Ward Missionary Group
Throughout the semester I was able to meet a ton of fun new people and plan/participate in some fun dates!
First Blind Date Ever!
Ladies Choice Date Night: Homemade Pizza!
Barbecue and Bonfire
I even got a date with my sister when she came into town to visit me!
I have had exceptional roommates this semester. We love to party! Dinner, dancing, inspirational quotes, spontaneous fits of laughter, we are a bunch of hooligans!
And of course, I have had the opportunity to further my passion. The beef cattle industry drives me! I love my classes, love learning about the critters I'm passionate about, love helping with chores, etc.
Prize to whomever can point out the Ilium, Ischium, Pubis, Obturator Foramen, etc. ;)
Hangin' out at the Cattlemen Games
Standin' in the back of the feed truck for the morning feeding. In the winter we feed the cattle hay and protein pellets, nicknamed "Cake." As soon as the truck enters the pasture, those cows come runnin'!
The first Spring calf from a first time mom. She was born bright and early in the morning on one of the coldest mornings this past season, but she was sure a trooper!
Above all, life is grand. School is fantastic. This semester has been wonderful! I WILL survive finals, just like everyone before me. If you don't take a minute to stop and enjoy life as it comes, there'll be nothing to look back on, no great memories to bring a smile to your face. I'm so grateful for my Momma's words of wisdom and for my opportunity to be attending a wonderful University.
To get you pumped and focused on the purpose of this journey, I leave you with a song:
A Milestone in itself as it was my first live performance ever! What a great semester.
